I Did NOT Consent To Be Raped!

It happens very often, that a girl meets the 'man of her dreams', dates him, goes into an engagement with him, and then decides that she does in fact want to spend the rest of her life with him, and gets married to him. The wedding is always an flowery affair. And if luck sides with the marriage, maybe the honeymoon will be a bliss too. Then the points comes where the peak has been reached and its all downhill from that point on.

The journey downhill, although most of the time completely destructive of the marriage itself, doesn't always have to be life-threatening. But sour marriages seem to be getting physically sour more and more often and the need to address the issue of marital rape is becoming more and more grave. Or maybe it's simply that women are become more open and daring to come forth and talk about these issues than they were before.

The issue now arises whether a husband can actually rape his wife. Well, physically, yes, of course, and why the hell not? If the wife was resisting to have sex, and the husband had his way with her despite that, then viola, we have a forced intercourse! In the west, that is rape and nothing less.

But, can it really be called rape? Or is it brutal case of domestic violence?

What needs to be noted at this point is the huge difference in the usage of the word 'rape' between Islamic Law and other laws. Where 'rape' is used in western laws to refer to any forced intercourse, under Islamic law 'rape' refers to any sort illicit sex that has been forced. Where in the west, sex itself is not punished unless it is forced, under Islamic law sexual intercourse outside of a marriage is punished. Alleging rape - and proving it of course! - under Islamic law aggravates the offence of illicit sex on the part of the perpetrator, and exonerates the victim from any sort of punishment.

That brings us to the issue of using the word 'rape' within the context of a marriage. What the word rape implies is that the act of having sex in itself was an offence, and this is very much untrue.

Islam gives both parties to a marriage a right to ask for sex when they desire to. And it is the other spouse's obligation to fulfill the wishes of his or her partner. When you sign a marriage contract, you consent to having this obligation towards your spouse.

Funnily enough, the husband's right to ask for sex whenever he desires has been under the spot light for so long, that many Muslims have forgotten that the Prophet stopped one of his companions from practicing celibacy by saying that 'your wife has a right over you.' The right to initiate an intimate time is a mutual right in Islam given to both spouses, and this right is based on kindness, mutual respect, and mutual understanding.

When a husband forces his wife to have intercourse, while she is resisting, the problem is not with the fact that he had intercourse itself. The problem is with the cruel manner in which he had intercourse, and the fact that this contravenes the clear guidelines given in Islam with regards to the relationship between a husband and a wife. Can it be called 'rape'? Legally, I think not. It is the ultimate case of domestic violence, and that is how it should be treated.

Which brings us to our second issue. The fact of the matter is that laws regarding domestic violence are very much under developed even in western countries. In our part of the world it's even worse. What happens in the matrimonial house stays in the matrimonial house, and the police cannot penetrate the veil of privacy that guards the secrets of the marital home. Domestic violence cases are looked into very often in civil courts that rarely can give a strong penalty against a perpetrator.

In this situation, will it be safe to consider marital rape - let's loosely call rape here since it's such a bother to call it 'forced marital sex' - a domestic violence case? Note that in some countries a perpetrator convicted of domestic violence can be punished with a maximum fine of 150 Dollars. Is it in anyway even comparable to the grave crime he has committed against his own wife?

Raping your wife cannot in anyway be considered even close to slapping her hard enough to bruise her face. It's not the same as beating her up. Of course those acts do degrade her and take away from her the security and safety that she is supposed to feel within the marriage. But once you force yourself upon her, that's going to the next level. And no ointment can cure the bruises left on her from such an experience. A man who finds it in himself to do so needs to be punished accordingly, and there is no domestic violence law in the whole world that can punish a man enough for 'raping' - loosely again - his wife.

Having considered all these factors, what hell is wrong with legislating a law that makes it a crime to force yourself upon to your wife? Why are Muslim jurists and legislators so stuck up with names and terms that they can't see the fact that women in their countries are suffering and not because the Shariah doesn't address their issue, but because of a lack of people who cared enough about upholding justice to read the Qur'an beyond it's letters.

Call it rape, call it forced sex. I really don't care. I did NOT consent to being made a sex slave. And if my husband were to force himself upon me, I expect him to be punished. That is what justice requires. And that is what the Shariah requires as well.