Please, Stop! It Hurts!

Today's children are tomorrow's adults. Sorry for the pun, but it is true that those young people whom we call children today do hold the key to the future - the future of our nation and all nations for that matter.

That's why it's such a grave tragedy that in this age and time when humanity is making such great efforts for the betterment of the future there's a cancerous disease spreading like wildfire in our societies. When we are busily inventing new technologies and finding cures for previously incurable diseases our children are falling prey to sexual predators by the day, and no matter what we do we seem to be failing to stop or reduce the spread of this phenomena. What more, it seems that the advancements in communication technologies are actually helping the predators find their prey.

What's even more unfortunate is the deafening silence with which this issue seems to be addressed by many Muslims, Muslim scholars, and Islamic institutions. Is it a result of pure shock? Or is it that Muslims find it easier to live in a bubble, blind to the realities of the world around them?

If it's shock, it's about time they got over it, because being incredulous is not to going to help us solve the problem. If it is that they want to live in their own perfect little worlds within their own heads, they should realise that Islam wasn't sent to keep a perfect world on its perfection. Islam was sent to perfect a world filled with imperfections. The main goal the Shariah has set out to achieve is the prevention of harm and ensurement of benefits for the individual and for society as a whole. It is every Muslim's duty to work to achieve this goal.

This being the case, it's nothing less than an utter wrong for Muslims, whether affiliated with organisations or working individually, to disconnect themselves from society to such a great extent that they fail to address such a great issue within the society. It's even worse when Muslim scholars choose to be silent about an issue because it gives the impression that, 'Look, look! Islam doesn't prohibit child abuse either. Those stupid pedophilia-condonists!'

But that's untrue. Islam has prohibited all kinds of abuse. Even the abuse of animals is prohibited in Islam. The Prophet (PBUH) narrated the story of the woman who caged a cat without feeding it until it died. He informs that Allah has destined her to Hell for this act of cruelty towards an animal. Such being the stand of Islam towards the abuse of animals, do you seriously think that Islam will possibly condone the abuse of children?

The Prophet (PBUH) has paid great attention to informing the Ummah of the value of children in front of Allah. He being the perfect example showered his own children with love and care. Even after Fatimah, his daughter, got married and moved in with her husband, the Prophet (PBUH) showed great concern for her affairs. He gave the same treatment to the children of his companions (may Allah be pleased with them). He further instructed his companions to show love and care for the children who have lost one or both parents and thus become orphans.

Muslims are to follow the instructions of the Prophet. The instructions of the Prophet (PBUH) for Muslims to offer kindness to children are so great in number that they can only constitute the act as compulsory for Muslim. Under Islamic law, failing to do an act that is compulsory, and doing an act that is prohibited is what constitutes a crime.

Is the parent who beats up his own child to death in the name of punishing the child for being mischievous showing the kindness which is compulsory for him to give his child? Is the man, any man, who forcefully takes away the innocence of a child being kind to that child? Are the people who force children into slavery showing kindness to those children? Or are they acting in contravention to the many instructions by the Prophet (PBUH) for Muslims to treat children with love, care, and due respect? If they are acting in contravention to the Prophet's instructions, their act constitutes nothing but a crime.

The recent judgment delivered by a Saudi court to sentence a couple to death for abusing and killing a child over time is most noteworthy. Perhaps, for once other Muslim countries should in fact follow the Saudi lead and strengthen their laws to prevent child abuse.

But the Saudi court's judgment is not cause enough for celebration. In a time when people of different ideologies all over the world are addressing the issue of child abuse by various methods, the majority of Muslim scholars remain silent about the issue. The silence heard from the scholars is nothing short of shameful.

I refuse to take part in the shameful silence. I choose to raise my voice!

Hi Aisha, Are You Pregnant?

Having being newly married, I am constantly asked by people when I'm planning to have a baby. Not always is the question posed so nicely and with such civility. Sometimes people even ask me if I'm planning to make a baby soon. Others shout out at my husband, 'So is your wife pregnant already?' as if we've been trying for ages and failing. Lol!

The answer is quite clear in my mind. I simply can't afford a baby at this stage in my life. I'm still a student and I'm going to face a flood of student loans when I finish my degree a year from now. Leaving my financial status aside, I don't want to have a baby unless I'm sure I am in a position to fully live up to my responsibility towards the baby as a parent. Quite honestly, I'm finding it hard enough balancing marriage and studies. Even with my husband helping me as much as he can around the house our apartment is falling into complete disarray. I don't think I can devote the time, attention, and care to the baby that it deserves. That being the case, I don't think it's fair for the baby that I'll be dragging it to my classes and to the library and everywhere else all over the campus, exposing it to all sorts of international fevers and colds that even I can't seem to avoid (in the International Islamic University). Especially if I can't give it enough attention in between classes.

And whenever I get asked if I'm pregnant, or planning to be pregnant soon, or anything of that sort, I try to explain to whoever asks me the question, in as little an amount of words as possible, this reasoning. Many people do agree with it (and suggest I get pregnant as soon as I finish my degree), and some few think it just shows how little I believe in the Will of Allah.

There seems to be a belief among some Muslims that babies are a gift from Allah and we simply have no right to turn away from a gift that Allah sends our way.

While I cannot agree more that babies are bundles of love that Allah gives us as gifts, I cannot look at parenthood as a gift alone. I think it is wrong to equate a baby to the gifts that we sometimes receive on birthdays, say, that are later left forgotten at the back of shelves gathering dust.

Since it is agreed that babies are in fact gifts from Allah, let's look at what a gift from Allah means. A gift from Allah, whatever it maybe, comes to us with certain responsibilities. Let's look at our lives for example. Life in it self, the short time span that we spend on earth, every single millisecond, is a gift from Allah. And it is our duty towards life itself that we spend it in the service of Allah. Our lives were not given to us to be wasted. Our bodies are gifts from Allah. And we owe a responsibility towards our bodies: to keep it healthy and safe from diseases as much as possible. To seek treatment in case we do contract a disease. To not endanger ourselves and put our bodies in hazardous situations. And these are responsibilities that we owe to gifts that were given to us as our sole right. What with a baby it is another soul. And when you bring a child into the world, you have a responsibility as a parent to take care of it and take all possible measures to give it a good future. And while it is true that the future is in Allah's hand, isn't it just as true that Allah commanded us to plan for the future?

Muslim scholars have taken a purposive approach in their discussion of the position Islam towards marriage and this approach has accepted by consensus in the Muslim world. The position of the person in life, his physical well-being and his financial capability included, is taken into consideration when discussing whether he or she is required, recommended to, or prevented from getting married.

Perhaps the same should be done in our discussion of the Islamic view of different methods of contraception. First of all, sterilisation is not the only contraceptive method available. So, it won't be proper to generalise the ruling on sterilisation to include all the other methods of contraception. Secondly, pregnancy, birth, and parenthood should not be looked at as the sole experience of the parents. It is first and foremost the start of the baby's life, and that is how we should look at it. And the idea that a couple who are not sure whether or not they can fully take care of the baby, or are sure they cannot give the baby the love and care it deserves is in my mind irresponsible.

Gifts from Allah are not to be treated in that manner. These gifts from Allah are facets of our being viceroys of Allah on earth. And as the Qur'an explains in Al-Ahzab: 72, this is an undertaking that the whole universe shook and shivered from its might and weight.

This being the case, we can't possibly in our right minds jump into such a responsibility with closed eyes. We need to plan for our future, our children's future and such plans are very much in line with Islam, as opposed to being against it. That's the proper way of believing in Allah's Will.

I Did NOT Consent To Be Raped!

It happens very often, that a girl meets the 'man of her dreams', dates him, goes into an engagement with him, and then decides that she does in fact want to spend the rest of her life with him, and gets married to him. The wedding is always an flowery affair. And if luck sides with the marriage, maybe the honeymoon will be a bliss too. Then the points comes where the peak has been reached and its all downhill from that point on.

The journey downhill, although most of the time completely destructive of the marriage itself, doesn't always have to be life-threatening. But sour marriages seem to be getting physically sour more and more often and the need to address the issue of marital rape is becoming more and more grave. Or maybe it's simply that women are become more open and daring to come forth and talk about these issues than they were before.

The issue now arises whether a husband can actually rape his wife. Well, physically, yes, of course, and why the hell not? If the wife was resisting to have sex, and the husband had his way with her despite that, then viola, we have a forced intercourse! In the west, that is rape and nothing less.

But, can it really be called rape? Or is it brutal case of domestic violence?

What needs to be noted at this point is the huge difference in the usage of the word 'rape' between Islamic Law and other laws. Where 'rape' is used in western laws to refer to any forced intercourse, under Islamic law 'rape' refers to any sort illicit sex that has been forced. Where in the west, sex itself is not punished unless it is forced, under Islamic law sexual intercourse outside of a marriage is punished. Alleging rape - and proving it of course! - under Islamic law aggravates the offence of illicit sex on the part of the perpetrator, and exonerates the victim from any sort of punishment.

That brings us to the issue of using the word 'rape' within the context of a marriage. What the word rape implies is that the act of having sex in itself was an offence, and this is very much untrue.

Islam gives both parties to a marriage a right to ask for sex when they desire to. And it is the other spouse's obligation to fulfill the wishes of his or her partner. When you sign a marriage contract, you consent to having this obligation towards your spouse.

Funnily enough, the husband's right to ask for sex whenever he desires has been under the spot light for so long, that many Muslims have forgotten that the Prophet stopped one of his companions from practicing celibacy by saying that 'your wife has a right over you.' The right to initiate an intimate time is a mutual right in Islam given to both spouses, and this right is based on kindness, mutual respect, and mutual understanding.

When a husband forces his wife to have intercourse, while she is resisting, the problem is not with the fact that he had intercourse itself. The problem is with the cruel manner in which he had intercourse, and the fact that this contravenes the clear guidelines given in Islam with regards to the relationship between a husband and a wife. Can it be called 'rape'? Legally, I think not. It is the ultimate case of domestic violence, and that is how it should be treated.

Which brings us to our second issue. The fact of the matter is that laws regarding domestic violence are very much under developed even in western countries. In our part of the world it's even worse. What happens in the matrimonial house stays in the matrimonial house, and the police cannot penetrate the veil of privacy that guards the secrets of the marital home. Domestic violence cases are looked into very often in civil courts that rarely can give a strong penalty against a perpetrator.

In this situation, will it be safe to consider marital rape - let's loosely call rape here since it's such a bother to call it 'forced marital sex' - a domestic violence case? Note that in some countries a perpetrator convicted of domestic violence can be punished with a maximum fine of 150 Dollars. Is it in anyway even comparable to the grave crime he has committed against his own wife?

Raping your wife cannot in anyway be considered even close to slapping her hard enough to bruise her face. It's not the same as beating her up. Of course those acts do degrade her and take away from her the security and safety that she is supposed to feel within the marriage. But once you force yourself upon her, that's going to the next level. And no ointment can cure the bruises left on her from such an experience. A man who finds it in himself to do so needs to be punished accordingly, and there is no domestic violence law in the whole world that can punish a man enough for 'raping' - loosely again - his wife.

Having considered all these factors, what hell is wrong with legislating a law that makes it a crime to force yourself upon to your wife? Why are Muslim jurists and legislators so stuck up with names and terms that they can't see the fact that women in their countries are suffering and not because the Shariah doesn't address their issue, but because of a lack of people who cared enough about upholding justice to read the Qur'an beyond it's letters.

Call it rape, call it forced sex. I really don't care. I did NOT consent to being made a sex slave. And if my husband were to force himself upon me, I expect him to be punished. That is what justice requires. And that is what the Shariah requires as well.